Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
