i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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