I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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