Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
