it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
