i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
