I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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