True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
