erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
