Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
