Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
