you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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