You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
