I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm passing your future prison.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
