a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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