the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
