I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i love accidental penises.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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