We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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