you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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