Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize