U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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