If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
