one two three fourrrrnication!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
