Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
