dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
