Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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