I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
