God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
