Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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