I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
