The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
