So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
