I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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