oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your penis caused this!
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