Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
