Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
