Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
