if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
