Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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