i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
