Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
