You smell like stripper and shame
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
