Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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