so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
