I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
