So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
