best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
