Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
