I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
