i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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