I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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